Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
