Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
