Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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