would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
