when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
