if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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