My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
