Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize