I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
