It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
