I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize