We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
