i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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