My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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