Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
