12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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