your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
