upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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