look no pants
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize