We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
