At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
