saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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