I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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