we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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