whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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