so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
