be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
