GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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