tonight lets celebrate not being married
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
