I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
