apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
