and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
