Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
