Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
