Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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