yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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