Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
