so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
