wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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