ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize