What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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