I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize