i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
