Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
