YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
