Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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