You made me cry and you don't even care
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
