Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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