I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
