I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize