no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
