I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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