I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Life is so much better after having sex.
nutella sex= disaster
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
