I am in a vortex of obligation.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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