im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize