I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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