don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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