I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
