shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My vagina is officially offended.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
