i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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