im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
