i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have aggressive nipples.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
