Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
