Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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