Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
