I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
