My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
